| Single Parent 101 |
 |
 |
 |
|
with Joy Monroe Tuesday, the 18th of July 2006 The opinions and statements made in this chat session belong to the individuals posting them and appear in unedited form to promote the free exchange of information. However, they may not represent the views and/or policies of the Georgia Center for Resources and Support. Lorraine: Good Evening Everyone, Tonight we have with us Joy Monroe. She is the founder and CEO of Single Parent Alliance & Resource Center. Ms. Monroe is a trained facilitator and certified Adoption Specialist. She was raised in a single parent home and has been a single parent for more than ten years. Ms. Monroe will share with us tonight her mission for Single Parent Alliance & Resource Center and will give us resources and information on successfully mangaging single parenthood. Welcome Joy. Pearl: - has joined the chat - Pearl: Single Parent 101 Joy: Thank you. I am looking forward to tonight's discussion. The mission of SPARC is to provide single parents with the support and resources to empower single parents to nurture their children into healthy, happy and successful adults. Joy: We staff an administrative office in Gwinnett County but as our programs are mobile, we can be found all around Metro Atlanta. Pearl: - has left the chat - chatadmin: Ms. Monroe could you tell us a little about your organization; why you started it and what your mission is? Joy: I welcome any questions anyone may have. Lorraine: Joy, can you give us some survival tips that are essential in being a single parent? Joy: As a child of a single parent, I was committed to not becoming one myself. However, after my marriage failed, I had to assume the responsibility without the support of my exhusband. Moving to Atlanta without my family, I found that there were certain resources lacking here. Thus was born the Single Parent Alliance & Resource Center. Pearl: - has joined the chat - Joy: Some survival tips for single parents include making sure that as a single parent you don't fall into the habit of parenting alone. Build a support network for both you and your child. Following the "village" concept, build a supportive network for both you and your child and avoid isolating yourselves and assuming the me and my child against the world idealogy. Joy: Some survival tips for single parents include making sure that as a single parent you don't fall into the habit of parenting alone. Build a support network for both you and your child. Following the "village" concept, build a supportive network for both you and your child and avoid isolating yourselves and assuming the me and my child against the world idealogy. chatadmin: What do you think or have you found to be the greatest challenge for the single parent? Joy: The greatest challenge for today's single parent is probably the emotional challenge. Most parents feel somewhat uncertain about their parenting abilities anyway. However, in a two parent home... Joy: parents are able to support each other and bounce ideas around. Single parents don't have that luxury. Joy: That is why it is so important for single parents who do not have the benefit of local extended family networks to create networks of their own. Lorraine: What will be some suggestions of networks to create? Joy: I started my network by building friendships with the parents of the children my children played with. Some of them were single parents but others were from two parent households. Joy: I reached out to them and they were very receptive. We combined play dates. Instead of dropping my sons off for the afternoon, often I would go along as well and enjoy adult company. Joy: Support networks can also be found by reaching out to your local faith based institutions as well. Joy: Our agency provides parenting classes focused on specific parenting topics which helps to group single parents in similar circumstances together. In this way, it is easier for them to find the support of someone in a similar situation. Joy: ...or facing a similar challenge. Nanciellen: - has joined the chat - chatadmin: That sounds great. Have you developed resources? If so, what specific resources as a single mom have you found to be most helpful to you and other parents that you've met along the way? Joy: The greatest resource for me is other single parents... Joy: The ability to get together with someone who has walked or is walking in my shoes is invaluable. Parenting advice, timesavers and a host of other information is available from talking with and spending time with other single parents. Joy: I do have one word of caution. I've spent a great deal of time talking about the value of networking with other single parents... Joy: This is valuable and should be a priority, however, children as well as ourselves need to spend time with families from a variety of circumstances to broaden our own understanding of what a family is. Joy: Other resources include local faith based institutions. A large number of them are now creating Single Parent Minsties which are specifically designed to minister to single parent families... Nanciellen: Just signed in what is the question, sorry. Joy: One of the resources our agency provides is training local faith based leaders on how to create and/or expand their single parent ministry. Lorraine: Do you know of any great websites or books that you could recommend? Joy: Hello Nanciellen, we are discussing the challenges of single parenthood and what resources are available to them. Please feel free to ask any questions you may have. Pearl: - has joined the chat - Joy: Actually, our agency's website provides a wealth of information for single parents. Our web address is www.singleparent411.org We also publish a newsletter which provides a great deal of education and support... Pearl: - has joined the chat - Pearl: - has joined the chat - Pearl: - has joined the chat - Pearl: - has joined the chat - Joyce C: What resource do you have available for the single parent who wants to date but have pre-teens that want all of mom to themselves. Pearl: - has joined the chat - Pearl: - has left the chat - Pearl: - has joined the chat - Joy: I advise a great deal of honest and open communication. Often pre-teens as well as teenagers are reluctant for their single parent to date. "Losing" one parent can often make them cling to the other parent even more... Pearl: - has joined the chat - Pearl: - has joined the chat - Joy: Explain to them (repeatedly) that just as they have friends but they still have you, you will have friends but still have them... Joy: I caution against bringing casual dates to the home, especially if your children are reluctant for you to date as this may cause unnecessary problems for you and them... Joy: If the dating is casual, conversation with your children can remain casual. They can be aware that you have friends but they do not need to know all of the details... Joy: However, when and if things get serious, offer your children the additional support, communication and reassurance they will need from you... Joy: Avoid getting unnecessarily upset, a certain amount of insecurity and even a little jealousy is normal in this situation. Just remain calm, remain reassuring and above all, remain loving. chatadmin: Ms. Monroe, would you talk some about taking care of yourself? Often, single parents, especially single parents who've adopted devote themselves to their child and seem to take out little time for themselves. Would you agree? Joy: Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes Joy: Sadly, this is one of the greatest mistakes a single parent can make... Joy: If you are the primary caregiver for your child and you are not taking care of you, who then is taking care of your child?? Joy: Would you leave your child in a delapidated abandoned house? An exaggeration maybe but single parents should MAKE the time to care for themselves... Joy: Yes, Nanciellen, that is one of the major reasons. Another reason that they do this is guilt. Joy: Because there is no other parent present, they feel they must "overparent" to make up for the missing parent... Joy: Understandable, but still wrong...not just for the parent, but for the child... chatadmin: Certainly there are some ways to make up for the missing parent. Right? Joy: Imagine the weight of feeling as if someone exists just for you. Imagine the overwhelming responsibility you would feel if someone had no time to care for themselves because they were too busy caring for you... Joy: Also, by solely concentrating on our children and not ourselves we run the risk of instilling them with selfishness and being unable to let go of them when we need to. Lorraine: Any suggestions for single mothers raising sons? Joy: Lorraine, a question close to my heart as I am currently raising two sons as a single parent... Joy: To make up for the missing parent, one of the most important things a single parent can do (especially a single mother raising sons) is to find a mentor for their child... Joy: Mentoring has been shown to have such a profoundly positive effect on the life of a child, especially one raised by a single parent that I can't recommend it enough. My sons both have mentors and the input and support they provide is invaluable... Joy: Of course it's not the same as having their father, but the positive male role model in their lives has made a difference... Joy: There are several good places to find mentors...local faith based agencies, coaches, neighbors, family members, teachers... Joy: A word of caution, make sure you find the right mentor. It is important to find SOMEONE but not just ANYONE to mentor your child. Nanciellen: As a single parent and having raised two sons, I had a mentor, friends, family and most of all my faith to guide me. . Joy: Yes, Nanciellen, you utilized the "village" concept which is the most successful method of single parenting... Joy: You surrounded yourself and your sons with a supportive loving network of friends and faith to nurture them into manhood. Joy: For those of you who have not yet created this network, I can't urge you enough to begin building one today. Nanciellen: My sons and nephews are mentors for young people. Joy: Being a single parent does not have to mean parenting alone. Joy: Mentoring provides positive feedback for both the mentor and the mentee. I'm sure Nanciellen's sons and nephews can attest to that... Joy: Sometimes, children can take parents, even single parents for granted. The idea that someone else is invested in them and cares for them adds another level of security and accountability which is so important for a child in a single parent home. Probably even more so for an adopted child. Joy: This is one of the positive elements mentoring provides. Joy: The world is opening up for single parents. I was in a book store the other day and the section related to single parenting is broadening. When SPARC (Single Parent Alliance & Resource Center) first opened, there was very little literature on the subject... Joy: Everything was devoted to traditional parenting in a two parent home. Now there is literature galore on the subject of single parenting. Even the faith based world is opening up for single parents and providing faith based resources as well. lorraine: - has joined the chat - chatadmin: Ms. Monroe what words of encouragement, advice, would you give to a single person considering adoption? Nanciellen: As a single parent I just stop thinking of myself as a single parent and it made things smoother. When my sons were small I didnt have all these resources, how time has changed.. Joy: The fact that you are single does not mean that you cannot love and nurture a child... Joy: Although in ways, the job is more difficult, in other ways it can also be easier. If you are considering adoption and you are ready to love a child, I encourage you to move forward. Take advantage of the resources that are available to you. Times have changed and the world is opening up... lorraine: What does you seminar on Single Parent 101 covers and when is the next one scheduled? ? Joy: Also, to echo Nanciellen, don't harp on your singleness. Concentrate on your ability, your willingness and your readiness to love and care for a child. Joy: SingleParent101 covers the following: the emotional challenge of single parenting, carving out me time in a we world, parenting basics, ages and stages of child development and the toolkit for successful single parenting. Our next one is scheduled for July 25 at the Roswell Public Library from 6-8 pm. chatadmin: Ms. Monroe this has been a valuable chat for us. I'm sure some of our folks in the room would like to hear you speak and talk with you in person. Won't you be doing an adoption family seminar soon at Families First in Atlanta? Joy: Thank you. Yes, I will be conducting a SingleParent101 workshop at Families First in Atlanta in August. Details for this event are posted on our website at www.singleparent411.org lorraine: Ms. Monroe you have shared a lot of great information tonight. We will certaintly pass along your website and information on SPARC. Joy: Thank you for having me on. I have enjoyed tonight's discussion. lorraine: I personally have been uplifted and motivated as I am a new single parent. Joyce C: Thank You! Joy: I appreciate that Lorraine. Please stay motivated and remember the most importatant thing is not that you are a single parent, but that you are a parent loving and caring for a child. Joy: You are welcome Joyce. Joy: Also, don't forget to get that support if you don't have it already. Nanciellen: I really enjoyed chatting with you. Joy: I enjoyed it as well. Perhaps I will see you all again at the Families First workshop in August. lorraine: Thanks Joy. Good Night! Joy: You are welcome. Good night Everyone. chatadmin: This ends our Chat for this evening. Thank you for coming online with us. Please join us again in August. Good night.
|
