Creative_Support_Group_Ideas-Diane_Martin-

The opinions and statements made in this chat session belong to the individuals posting them and appear in unedited form to promote the free exchange of information. However, they may not represent the views and/or policies of the Georgia Center for Resources and Support.

kare: Diane, could you tell us why you see such a need for Support groups

nacacdiane: Support groups have really helped me to keep my family together. I am sure I would have disrupted with one of my children had I not had a support group.

kare: How did they support you? nacacdiane: People who understand the adoption journey, to bounce ideas off of, to provide resources, and give you the

nacacdiane: By being there, by providing respite for my kids, for an ear to listen.

kare: Diane, what about people who are reluctant to make a committment of time to a SG

nacacdiane: Are people on the chat part of exisiting support groups? What does it mean to you?

nacacdiane: I believe people use support groups when they need them, often in crisis. We need to talk about how we have helped people, then focus on the number of people at a meeting.

jtkplus4: I'm hearing trying to learn more about the support groups. I understand that there is a workshop in Oct?

Laveda: I have not been a part of an AP SG, but as an Adoption Prof. I have facilitated starting support groups. I strongly believe that it does prevent disruption if families can be in touch with others who are having similar experiences.

Shannon H: So many are reluctant to go to support group meetings because by going, they think it is a sign of some type of failure on their part, which of course is the exact opposite of what it is. It is truly a sign of a successful family. They know where and when they need help.

nacacdiane: Some research states that a support group is better than family therapy because it allows people to talk with others that are in the same journey. As well as people who understand the core issues of adoption.

Shannon H: And it is sometimes harder to talk to someone with whom you are so close about difficult issues.

nacacdiane: It is important to help people understand the value of support groups.

Kim: It was such a relief to meet people with similar situations, they had answers I had never thought of before

nacacdiane: Shannon, you are absolutely right. Sometimes our family don't understand adoption issues. That is why we need a group of people who understand.

Shannon H: I have experienced alot of interest, but keeping one going seems to be the common complaint I have heard. Many lose interest or get so involved in other things that it takes a back seat. How do we keep them on track?

chatadmin: ? Diane what have been of the challenges /barriers of started a new group.. for example in rural outlying areas

nacacdiane: I would suggest you do an assessment of your people and look at what their needs are, and then set up your yearly schedule according to those needs.

nacacdiane: Sometimes support groups won't meet monthly, but will have a different plan of education or events twice a year and be connected by e-mail, phone, or mentoring.

nacacdiane: List serves (or yahoo groups) can also serve a support group role. This especially helpful in rural areas.

Shannon H: I have had more success with buddy families due to the individual needs. Do you think they want the support, but are just wanting to talk to someone with their specific problems. What are your thoughts about the buddy system?

kare: Thats an excellent point Diane. It also takes the pressure of over commitment off .

nacacdiane: Anybody doing some creative or different kinds of support groups?

Laveda: Diane, I'd like to go back to Karen's ? re: the challenges to starting SG for APs. Is it hard and how do we make it an easier task for those trying to facilitate starting a SG?

Kim: I had a support group online and we chatted by aol instant messanger,

kare: Diane, what do you think of the buddy system as part of the SG picture?

nacacdiane: I know a group in Alaska that completely does their support by e-mail chats and phone.

cathy: at this time we are doing break outs, and it seems to be working well

nacacdiane: Laveda, one suggestion I would make is to be sure that you have a leadership circle of people when starting a group. That makes the tasks more manageable, and provides a core group of attendees.

Kim: It actually was better than going to a meeting, I did'nt even have to get dressed just send the message

Shannon H: That is how two families that I know communicate now that they have met. They say the emailing helps stay connected and allows them time with their families. They can stop and do something on email easier than trying to talk on the phone or meet one another.

nacacdiane: Kare, I will talk more about buddy programs when I am there on Oct 4th, but this is a great way to get people connected and get their needs met.

Shannon H: Even though it is sort of impersonal on one hand, if it helps them connect to others, that's our whole point.

nacacdiane: So Shannon, you have two families that have self selected for a buddy program.

nacacdiane: Cathy how big is your group? And how many break outs do you typically have?

Shannon H: They each had called for services and I matched them up. They each had adopted a larger number of foreign born children under the age of five, and I hooked them up. They are going great guns now.

chatadmin: Diane.. Our website has an extra public chat room that could be used by parents who wanted to connect on line.

cathy: we have 35 families on role, and we only have 2 topics at a time so far

nacacdiane: Corliss are we going to share that with people at the conference. Let them know of the service you have to offer.

Shannon H: I haven't talked to them in a bit, but the last time I did, they were emailing.

kare: Diane, what is the best way you have found to contact families to start a SG?

nacacdiane: The best method I know is word of mouth. Very simple, but when people invite each other, things happen.

nacacdiane: You can always go into orientations, churches, agencies, distribute flyers. Do something for National Adoption Month, get the local paper to cover it.

Shannon H: THey are known to one another that way. Nobody feels ill at ease if they're invited by someone they know.

nacacdiane: What have others tried to get people interested in support groups.

nacacdiane: That is good. Make sure they get next meeting time in the article.

Shannon H: I have enlisted the help of local DFCS RD's. They are more aware of what is going on and who the strongest leader types are.

kare: Diane, what are some of the topics you have been able to address through SG ?

Shannon H: Around here they are parent run for the most part, but the RD's sometimes come and show their interest.

cathy: our group is parent ran, but most of the groups I work with are not .

Shannon H: Resource Developer with the Department of Family and Childrens Services.

nacacdiane: Working with educators (schools), allegations, access to services, behavior management, mental health issues, and any of the subjects that are important to the families.

nacacdiane: Lets reflect on the fact that Cathy's group is a strong group and parent run, does that tell us anything?

cindy: support groups are for the parents and with some help they are the best ones to run a sg

Shannon H: The reason the RD's don't get too involved is because they are sometimes seen as spys or something, or so they feel.

nacacdiane: I agree Cindy. Two of our board members started with parent groups that were agency run, but have since become independent and they are very strong groups, and extremely strong leaders. The groups have existed for over 10 years.

Kim: I think the problem with RDs running some of the support groups is that they are geared more toword training the foster parents and not supporting the adoptive family

Kim: Not all of them are naturally, but they do have to train the foster parents and most foster parents are adoptive

nacacdiane: Shannon, I think that is a reality that need to deal with and be honest about. The presence of the RD can change the openness of the group and it is effectiveness.

cindy: sometimes the discussion at SG meetings are concerning DFCS, & RD

Shannon H: Very much so. They often complain about DFCS and they definitely don't want them there to hear it.

nacacdiane: Kim, can't we do both? When I was a worker, I often came for 45 minutes and did some training and then left for the parents to meet without me.

Shannon H: Until they figured out who I was, they were hesitant to speak up when I was there.

Kim: Yes I think you can do both but only if it is not completely about training your foster parents

nacacdiane: I think it is okay to complain, but then we need to move to solutions. We need to talk about how to best advocate for our children and families.

Shannon H: Admittedly, their focus is on foster care, because they have the most to gain in that area. I don't think they truly mean to leave the adoptive families out, but it comes across taht way.

nacacdiane: A good faciliatator will allow only so much complaining or venting, before they move on to solutions. In these days we really need to think about how to advocate for our children and get the best possible post adoption services.

cindy: that's where if you can have a opening general meeting and then separate into foster and adopt groups you could have the best of both

kare: I was going to ask you, Diane. How do you balance the venting with the solutions?

nacacdiane: A good faciliatator will confornt that issue with both foster and adoptive families.

kare: Cindy, I tried suggesting that w/ the SG here. They werent wild about it. they thought they Foster parents would miss out on something.

lisa: resistance....how do u deal with it w/o seeming too pushy about starting a group

Kim: I was a foster parent and I know why they need to vent, but as an adoptive parent my needs are different

nacacdiane: Karen, if you have the foster and adoptive parents meet at the same time, it is different groups, but basically dealing with the same kids.

nacacdiane: Lisa, were are going to be talking more about resistance at the October 4th training. I am hoping that you will all join us.

nacacdiane: Karen, could you share the details of that training with this group.

kare: Diane, this has been so informative. Your enthusiasm is contagious. I am looking forward to Oct 4

kare: Diane, thank you very much. Take care and we'll see you in Atlanta. Safe journey.

Creative_Support_Group_Ideas-Diane_Martin-_Hushman

Thursday, the 4th of September 2003